I love how old movies make me feel. It's like a really warm blanket or a really nice hug. I saw Paper Moon for the first time today and I do agree with Jennifer Brandt that it is a very pesky film. It's a sweet story that I think is probably the beginning of the not so bad bad guy, though of course then entertainers makes me have a hard time hating Con-men. Black and white also is something I miss, it's like the bit of imagination you need in your own mind to see them in color. No wonder people don't like black and white, takes too much effort to imagine them as real people. And is it just me or on a general concesses the writing was better back then?

I still love these films though, I don't think that will ever change. A lot of good films have been around me and good friends. I think things are looking up a bit, though I won't dig myself into a whole of confidence just yet. I've been writing a lot too. I think Nadia is going to find her way into my world again and it's about damned time too. I always find myself missing characters, so perhaps I'll do something about that. I worry about Jer though, I worry alot. I have no right to say my worries here, but I do worry. I worry about Matt too...he's not Matt anymore. I think something has changed and there is something between us now, something that is like a col d wall. I know what Eminem meant now How Come.. we dont even talk no more
And you dont even call no more
We dont barely keep in touch at all
and I dont even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grapevine.. We even Beefin Now
After all the years we been down.. aint no way no how
This bullshit cant be true
We Family.. aint a damn thing changed.. unless its you!

But I have more right to sound like a bitching ex girlfriend than him. That song always makes me laugh. I miss Matt, he hasn't sung to me in so long, we haven't dueted in even longer. He's never there...and I never see him. We don't cuddle walking down the halls, this is much worse than saying goodbye to Andi, there isn't a goodbye...just space. That feeling hurts, especially since I'm losing my Duckie! I wonder what's lost...

I've been having weird dreams lately too, I think somethings going on behind my back, I feel it. Ever had that feeling? Like some sleeping conspiracy is slipping around you, and it's not even planned. It's more like a fated ploy...I just hope it's me being a little off balance due to school. I don't know how to explain it though. Mmm, Maroon five, I love this song and the video, well that holds special meaning. Saw the GC video for the song Predictable, and I want the damn phone booth! I want it in my room with a new phone! it's too bad I don't have the room, damn my big bed. I find myself missing people this year, like really missing them. I've changed so much so quickly there are things that are gone now. I miss them so much.

I've been having trouble sleeping again, I don't know why. I hate it though, Imma take the book's advice and do some stuff over in my room to make it easier to sleep in though, mellow it out a bit more. I don't know why I'm bothering though, Imma be gone in a year or so anyway. I need to stop talking so much too, I miss the quiet days a little. Perhaps it's time to chill a bit. I can't wait to go shopping with Rei for stuff, as long as we can anyway. I hope we can. Mom said yeah, but Rei has been a bit hard to get my hands on lately.

I almost feel like looking at everyone and saying, "if you need me, you know where to find me." and see how many really do, but I got over tests of friends so long ago. I feel like my smile is broken lately, I think that's why I love the song so much, I wish it was on the radio more. I need to go CD buying badly. Mom talked about getting a record player, I'm excited.

Another UHAG meeting needs to happen as well, I can't keep Dani hanging for much longer, and I'm not letting the group fall.

I guess that's all I have to say. silentmovienight.