I will try to fix you

I felt the heat raise as my ears turned shades of rubies and garnets.
Hot ice running down my cheeks as I ran into the wind.
I took it upon myself to believe.
To raise myself too highly.
Too believe too much...
Now as I sit in the darkness
Of another useless night
I never want to hurt again
I never want my throat to clench
I never want to cry again
I never want to cry again.

I had auditions, I didn't get called back...
that figures...
I should have expected it, I shouldn't have believed I could get anything in an Arrigotti production.
I hate my father, I truly hate that bastard. Had I had a real father maybe I could take failure as a truimph, maybe I could bite back the tears instead of sobbing like a child, trapped within the dellusion that it was all my fault.

I can't be perfect, I don't want to be perfect, so why does it hurt every time I fail, why can't I just take the failure and move on. I don't want to be so hard on myself, at least some one could help me...some one please help me...

help.